Singles need dating and courting.
Back in 1997 Joshua Harris wrote a book, ³I Kissed Dating Goodbye,² where he challenged the modern notion of romantic dating just to have a good time and encouraged singles to court instead. He has some great points and challenged singles to reflect on the biblical concepts of respecting the opposite sex and remaining sexually pure until marriage. While I agree with many of his arguments I have seen major problems as well. Harris is right to point out the great flaws of the modern, sexually charged dating scene. Unfortunately in our society adolescence has been extended well into the mid or late 20s. This means we have many who are ready for sex, but not for marriage. As a pastor I see the damage in the lives of people every day who buy into the lie that having sex outside of marriage is just having fun. The emotional and relationship scars it leaves often last a lifetime. I¹m not convinced, however, that doing away with dating is the answer to remaining sexually pure and preparing oneself for marriage. Blogger Michael Webb recently wrote an article titled ³more than a numbers game² where he observed that many people seem to do more research on the next car they are buying than they do who they marry. I believe it is important for you to have a lot of opportunities to hang out with people of the opposite sex so you know who you don¹t want to marry before you make the commitment to marry. I’ve seen disasters come from the “courting” movement. I’ve seen young women who have only been on a few dates in their lives asked to be courted by some young man. The young men asked the girl¹s fathers if it was ok to court their daughters and received permission. These young women believed they were basically semi - engaged. They “were not dating, they were courting in preparation for marriage.” Several of the young women started wedding planning, looking at wedding dresses in magazines, etc., only to have the young men tell them, “sorry I’m not interested in you² several weeks or months later. Instead of a dating relationship ending the young women were dealing with the rejection and emotional baggage of a broken engagement. Several young men in this type of arrangement told me the sexual pressure was greater than dating because they figured they would one day get married so the temptation of connecting sexually did not feel quite as wrong. The intense pressure to move towards marriage in this type of arrangement is great, even if you don’t feel like the other person is the best fit. Webb says he was glad he had dated, often in groups and on a very casual basis, many women before he met his wife to be. What if he had stopped at number 6, or 28? Just because a young man is the first to tell you ³I love you² does not mean he is the best fit for you. If possible, hang out with and very casually date a number of folks before you commit to marriage. This is not being a player who is trying to get them to bed, but the goal is to get to know them as individuals. Sex outside of marriage makes you stupid, clouds your judgment, and is a great way to end up with Mr. or Mrs. Wrong. The more friends and acquaintances you have of the opposite sex the better your chances of discerning who is God¹s best for you. Bob will be leading a three week message series titled ³Legacy Parenting Passing the Faith Along² starting October 9. This is open to the public or you can listen to a podcast of these messages at www.brookwoodchurch.com .>
