Help for the Hurting
Maybe it is just my imagination, but it seems that many of my friends and acquaintances are going through especially difficult times. One friend has been diagnosed with stage four lung cancer, and he is fighting for his life. Several friends are going through major struggles in their marriage, and others are working through how to handle children who are rebelling and it¹s breaking their hearts. Many battle loneliness, depression, or job loss. What can we do when people go through hard times? What really helps, and what is no help at all? Last year when I learned I had lung cancer and then went through a series of tests and surgeries my church family was an enormous source of encouragement and strength. I¹ll be honest; it was sometimes difficult for me to receive such love and affirmation. Maybe it was my pride or ego, or maybe I just disliked being in such a needy position, but their support and encouragement provided a critical boost to my spirits and well-being. Unfortunately there were a few things that were not helpful. Some well meaning folks tried to give simple answers to my difficult situation. There are no simple answers to the questions like ³Why has God allowed this?² or ³What is God trying to teach me?² Don¹t try and answer ³why² questions when a friend is suffering. Let them vent and admit you don¹t know. Sometimes we can feel as if we need to fix the situation by making it appear less severe than it is. We all want to be positive, however, when someone says to a hurting friend, ³I¹m sure you will be fine,² or ³I¹ve had friends go through chemo and radiation with no problems and I¹m sure you will too,² that is not comforting. The truth is, we may not be fine, and the treatments might well be painful and difficult. Will I be any less strong or spiritual in your eyes if I don¹t sail though the treatments as well as your friend did? So what does help? First of all, just be there. ³Share each other¹s burdens² (Galatians 6:2). There is something powerful about just your presence, even if you say very little. The worst thing you can do is avoid the person because you are uncomfortable or don¹t know what to say. Don¹t feel like you have to do a lot of talking. Talking in this situation is one case where less, is more. Second, look them square in the face and tell your friend, ³I¹m so sorry,² and ³I love you.² Romans tells us to ³weep with those who weep.² Your genuine sorrow and tears will speak volumes. You can¹t fix their suffering, but you can let them know you care and that you hurt with them. If they are sick or not feeling well don¹t stay too long. Another way you can comfort is to practice small acts of kindness. Find some small way to serve your friend. Bring them over something to eat, or take them out for supper at their favorite restaurant. If they are physically hurt help them in practical ways like mowing their grass, or picking up something for them from the grocery store. One friend of mine made up basket full of goodies and a golf magazine and brought it to me while I was in the hospital. Finally, don¹t forget the gift of touch. ³Love each other with genuine affection² (Romans 12:10). Each person is different, but touch spoke volumes to me. Go, and be the hands and heart of Christ to a friend in need.
