Protect your marriage any way you can
Irene (not her real name) was a leader in my church in Virginia. She struck up a relationship on a social networking site with a man she had never known. After months of sending messages they started talking by phone. You probably already have guessed the tragic end of this story. This married mother with several young children left her husband, moved to a different city, and moved in with her new lover. This happened over ten years ago and it was my first exposure to online affairs. Unfortunately I have seen many others fall since then and it is a good reminder to me that I have to find ways to protect my marriage in any way I can. I realize that affairs have been around for centuries, but we are in a new day and I believe the temptations and opportunities to blow up your marriage are greater than ever. Last year one pastor claimed he had so many married individuals connecting with old flames on Facebook that he banned the social networking site for his church leaders. Unfortunately it later came out that he had previously been involved in affairs and immorality himself. I guess he should know how dangerous these temptations are. Any new technology can be used for good, or evil. I don¹t think banning Facebook, Twitter, or computers is the answer. To follow that logic you should also ban cars, telephones, and hotels. But with each new technology we need to establish new safeguards and personal convictions to protect our lives and marriages. There are some who believe they are so in love with and committed to their spouse that they could not possibly stumble, but they are probably the most vulnerable. The truth is even if you think you have found the love of your life, you can and will be attracted to others. This is not just for the young, but also for those of any age. My wife Deb and I have set up guidelines to protect our marriage for years. In the past these have included boundaries such as we will not have lunch alone with someone of the opposite sex, or visit someone alone at home. As a pastor I will not counsel a married woman more than once without her husband coming. If a single or married woman needs more ongoing counseling, I refer them to one of our recommended counselors. Deb, and my secretary, have my schedule and know where I am and with whom I¹m meeting at all times. In this new day of emails and social networking we have established new boundaries to protect our marriage. We talk about any friends of the opposite sex, old or new, that has contacted us in any manner. When I write or respond to women I often copy Deb on the email. We both have the passwords to each other¹s email and Facebook accounts and are free to read and check on anything. We don¹t keep secrets from each other. In addition, I have signed up for a website monitoring service through www.xxxchurch.com that sends a detailed list of any questionable sites I visit to my accountability partner and Deb. If this kind of openness and transparency in your marriage makes you uncomfortable I suggest you check your heart. Why would you want to keep things private from your spouse? I suggest it is because you do not trust your spouse or yourself. I encourage you to sit down and discuss this with your spouse and come up with your own guidelines. Your marriage and legacy are worth it.>
