Billy Ray Cyrus says he was a great friend, but a lousy parent.
Several months ago Billy Ray Cyrus, father of superstar daughter Miley Cyrus, gave a telling interview with GQ magazine where he admitted he would do things very differently as dad if he could do it all over again. According to numerous interviews Billy Ray bought into the popular notion that the most important thing a parent can be is a good friend to their children. He said, “You know what’s important between me and Miley is I try to be a friend to my kids? I said it a lot. And sometimes I would even read other parents might say, ‘You don’t need to be a friend, you need to be a parent.’ Well, I’m the first guy to say to them right now: You were right. I should have been a better parent. I should have said, ‘Enough is enough—it’s getting dangerous and somebody’s going to get hurt.’ I should have, but I didn’t.” But don’t we need to maintain a good relationship with our children and be their friend as well as their parent? Many parents today seem confused and many appear to be throwing up their hands in frustration. As a pastor I often see parents run from one extreme to the other. Some, like Cyrus, try far too hard to be their child’s friend. Others, however, swing the pendulum to the other extreme and are all parent and rule setters, and don’t work on the relationship. The Bible actually teaches that either extreme is out of balance. The most important gift a parent can give his or her child is the ability to establish loving relationships. This requires both love and discipline. Jesus tells his followers to “love one another.” Parents need to love each other, and show love and care for their children. If your child does not know how to connect with people he will be crippled for life. Even babies must learn how to bond and attach. A second key gift a parent must give her child is to teach him responsibility and how to develop self-control. Because your children are not excited about responsibility, at least at first, then you have to teach and train them without their cooperation. Kids need parents who are not trying to be cool, popular, or their best friend, but a parent. Children desperately need parents who will say no, and stand up to their kids even when they get upset and scream. Children only learn responsibility from a loved state. They must feel connected to you as a parent. Then as parents we must discipline bad, selfish behavior. Note the balance taught in the Bible. “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). Author Josh McDowell writes that rules without a relationship equal rebellion, however, rules and a relationship equal a response. We must teach our children the consequences of disobedience and poor decisions. Parents when your child gets into trouble let them face the consequences; don’t jump in there and bail them out. The best way to teach children how to make wise decisions is to allow them to suffer the consequences of poor decisions. You are not trying to teach your children just how to follow rules, but how to think and how to make good decisions based on godly values. We must balance love and discipline, and eventually we can be both parent and friend. Bob Felts is Lead Pastor of Brookwood Church. You can reach him at bobfelts@brookwoodchurch.com
